What I have learned in Paris so far...

-I am better at French than I realized.
-I am better with directions than I realized.
-I am generally more intelligent than I realized.
-Churches are kind of terrifying for me.
-I will probably live in this city some day.
-I can cope with stress better than most.
-E5 is the greatest place on Earth.
-London is home now.

Karma?

Just now, for the first time in London, I got completely soaked. This came right after a conversation with Joe about how nice the weather was today, how un-London it's been nearly the entire time I've been here--as much sunshine as rain, etc. I had the same conversation with my parents yesterday. It also came while I was alone, walking back from the grocery store where I bought all the necessaries to make my flatmates and friends dinner tonight. By myself. Sometimes I think maybe it's best to be a little selfish. At the same time, though, it wouldn't be London if I didn't get poured on at least once.

The best part is the rain has completely stopped.

I fought in a war

I've been reading my old journal entries recently and just came across Spring Break '09. This is funny for a multitude of reasons: most importantly, what the hell is Spring Break? We don't have that here and it seems completely ridiculous to me that anyone would. I can't waste two weeks coming up with "Spring Break '10, let's get thin???" etc, catch phrases (most of which would include drinking or something stupidly sexual) and that is a little sad. Previously it's been something to look forward to, but I have almost the entire month of April off. COME ON! Otherwise, though, that seems so unbelievably long ago. I can remember everything that happened last Spring Break: the playlist Bryce made me, the "bronzing" at Joe's pool, the air mattress, the puppies, the ticket, things I won't go into detail about...but I cannot even fathom the fact that that was only one year ago. My life is going by so fast and I've watched so much How I Met Your Mother I've forgotten how old I am. Suddenly I feel old and, honestly, a little heartbroken. At twenty I am mildly upset about being single.

Most importantly, however, no matter what state I am when I write in my journal I am fully capable of quoting pretentious song lyrics, and that assures me that everything is okay in my life.

Popsicles and Icicles

When I went into the kitchen this morning to fill up my water bottle I could have sworn I was in Texas. Between the lighting, the residual heat from the oven, my mood...the feeling was uncanny. It was so painfully Texas. It's easy to describe a place. There are something like 100,000 adjectives in the English language--words to describe the look, the texture, the sound, the taste and the scent of things. There are so many of them it seems that nearly anything could be explained. Somehow, though, there are no words to describe exactly this bizarre feeling of some kind of mistaken familiarity. Knowingly mistaken, at that. It's close to deja-vu, but that definitely isn't it. I couldn't tell you how strange and awful and beautiful it was to wake up and walk thirty feet from London into Austin. It got my heart racing, but as soon as I went to crack the window to get a better feel for it, the feeling subsided and disappeared forever.

Texas is a big place, and maybe a stranger one to be alone in than London.

Guts and things

I have no nice left in me, just saltwater.

Love me now or stand aside

There are things I miss about home. I miss my family and my friends, my car, having animals in my life, backyards, warmish weather, visiting people at work, a big bed, Bouldin, Spiderhouse, Tiny Bar, breakfast tacos, my mom doing my laundry, queso, running into people most places I go, Magnolia, Starseeds, Torchy's, every sandwich place ever, Boris Ralph's lair, driving through Travis Heights, theme parties, watching Hulu in bed, Joe's apartment, knowing how the education system works, the drive between Georgetown and Austin, "home"...


Mostly, though, I never want to go back.